Oh that pesky diphthong...

Diphthong definitely belongs to the category of words which sound like they should be nasty, but aren't (like 'Thespian).

More on Germans and the pesky diphthong 'TH'... let me introduce you to Loriot. He is the funniest comedian I've encountered thus far in Germany - his humor, unlike the regular slapstick I've found here, is Monty Python dry. (not that I'm panning the slapstick; when you can't get the verbal jokes, the slapstick always pays off).

In this sketch, a regular partner of his, the late, great Evelyn Hamman, is trying to bring the viewers up to speed on what has happened in a miniseries her program has been showing. Watch as she gives the aristocratic British names her best try - with increasing difficulty as she starts tripping over the pronounciation. Don't sweat not understanding the German - just listen for the names.

Brand New

One thing I didn't expect moving over here was to have my entire working knowledge of how to shop, wiped out. Imagine going into a grocery store to buy, well, anything. Let's agree for the sake of argument that you actually are able to read the labels and talk to the sales staff sufficiently. (If you can't, you will be buying items based on the pictures on the packages, and are libel to find yourself with many interesting and unexpected foodstuffs when you get home).

Now, you enter the grocery store looking for, say, cake mix. Greeting you are an array of brands with deceptively attractive-looking cakes. Prices vary widely between brands. Which one to take? Do I really want to put the effort into making a substandard cake if I purchase the wrong one? Will have have enough eggs to make a backup? Who is this Dr. Oetker, anyway? I'll disappoint my guests! My mother-in-law will think I'm a bad caretaker for my family! My neighbor will purse her lips disapprovingly at the crazy American! My children will eat it anyway because 1) it's sweet and 2) it's sweet! After dithering for an embarrassing amount of time, I think, I'll take the virtuous route and make something from scratch.

Turning around to the 'from scratch' part of the baking aisle and - you guessed it - back to the start. Trial and error has shown me that even familar brands like Heinz or Colgate are just a bit different than their domestic versions.

Buying meat is also something of challenge as well, but with those I'm pretty safe with these fine (and legitimate) German words: der Steak, der Hamburger and die Ribs. Cheese is hit or miss - sure, there's lots of Emmentaler, Limburger, Edammer - but when you really want a nice bit of Cheddar... *sigh*. Tacos with an aged Gouda aren't that bad though!

True agonizing comes with items that require committment - a tube of toothpaste, for example, a bad choice of which will condemn me to weeks of dreading the toothbrushing ritual. Why, you might ask, don't I through the things away, if I don't like them? Then I answer - didn't you see my post where I mentioned how miserly I am? I can't just waste good toothpaste!

p.s. turns out that good old Dr. Oetker is the German 'Betty Crocker', and has saved my hide a few times. Thanks, Doc!

But of course...

I have officially forbidden the term 'of course' from the house. The follow-up comment 'What did you expect' is also verboten. I have come to realize there is no 'of course' in a new culture.

The answer to 'What did you expect' is, naturally, whatever one would expect in the home country. What you get is something else!

Language Tests

What do you do when you live in a foreign country and your child develops a lisp in her mother tongue?

Now, in German, they don't have the 'th' sound. There have been plenty of jokes about this; the best is probably this Berlitz ad:

So the fact that Anke's a bit soft on her TH's doesn't really show up on the radar of her kindergarten teachers, or get picked up during the preschool language screening done here. It does mean, though, that conversations with her usually involve us kneeling down to show her how to say 'TH'. This involves exaggeratedly sticking our tongues out through our teeth while almost clamping down with the teeth. How Anke has not lost the tip of her tongue during these exercises yet is beyond me.

To illustrate the difficulty, here is a transcript from a conversation a few months ago:
Anke: One, Two, Free, Four, Five...
the Mother: No, Anke, Look, it's THree...
Anke: Ok. One, Two, Three, Thour, Thive....

I can report that she has the 'Three' down pat now. This success hasn't translated into other uses, though.

All Easter'd out

Easter is over, and the kids are getting ready to head back to school and kindergarten. It will be a relief to get back to ordinary time...

In the US most think of Easter as a one-day celebration; the devout may consider the 40 days of Lent as a part of the Eater observance. Here in Northrhine-Westfalia (the state, or Bundesland, in which we live), the Easter season begins really in November. On the 11th of November, St. Martin's Day, the Karneval season officially begins. It's also called the 'Fifth Season' here in Germany. It's mostly noted by the coronation of the king, queen, prince and princess of the Karneval. During the ensuing months, little takes place other than the occasional 'Sitzung', or sitting, which seems to be
an opportunity for people to attend a sort of dinner-theater featuring funny outfits, a lot of drinking, and many, many bad jokes (usually told in the local dialect). I know this because as time goes on, they are increasingly broadcast on TV.

Finally this season culminates in the actual Karneval celebration, on which I could write volumes, but will limit myself in this posting to describing it as Mardi Gras as organized by a people who take their partying as seriously as they take their work, and held outdoors regardless of the temperature.

Then Lent starts. Germany is an odd mix of secular and churchly, and it shows in this time. While in the kids' school (public) and kindergarten (Catholic) the story of Easter was often discussed, colored, crafted and otherwise instilled, outside of school (and church), in day-to-day life, I don't see much evidence of observance. By this is mostly mean a decrease in pastries in the bakeries and an increase in fish dishes advertised at restaurants. Hardly a wide swath of society by which to draw a conclusion, but I live a fairl

Come the end of Lent, the children generally attend an ecumenical service on the last day of school before vacation. Vacation starts the week before Easter and lasts 2 weeks. This allows the school to skip over a few holidays in this time, but means the vacation moves all over the calendar through the years, following Easter.

Good Friday and Easter Monday are holidays. 95% of businesses close on these days, including grocery stores, theaters and many, many restaurants. The Catholic services aren't significantly different than the American ones, other than the rather glaring difference of them being in German, although the churches I've been to integrate more music than many in the US.

One wonderful thing about a the German's attitude toward the two day holiday (Easter and Easter Monday) is that one has that much more time to see family over the holiday, and everyone is just as happy to see you on the second day as on the 'real' holiday. Christmas is the same way - the 25th and 26th are both 'Christmas'.

The Easter bunny makes an appearance here in Germany, too, but I can't really make generalizations about how much he brings here compared with the US, because it varies so much between families, just as in the US. However, unlike Santa Clause, the US isn't blamed for the Easter Bunny's creation. According the Die Sendung mit der Maus (The Program with the Mouse, the awkwardly named but brilliantly executed children's show I watch with the kids every week) the Easter Bunny has been around Germany since the 18th century, but not universally. In some areas they had the Easter Crane, Fox or Hen instead of the Rabbit.

But now that Easter's out of the way, Germany can start to focus on the main event of their REAL religion - the European soccer championship coming up this summer.

I find it quite amazing how much about what's going on in America that I see here on the news. The election usually leads off the news. Exciting bits like tornados and U.S. presidential visits abroad usually show up later.

Usually what happens is, we're watching the news (8-8:15 every night, every station), and I'll see some piece on the presidential election, a scandal, a crime (or all three in one). I'll only understand 50% of what is going on, mostly because I can't decide whether to focus on the American speaker in the backgound or the German translation voiceover. Then I have to run downstairs to the computer and log in to find out the whole story.

But why the fascination with the U.S.? Regarding the primary, the husband comments that he doesn't remember seeing this much reportage during primary season in his youth. Is it that this year is simply so dramatic, or is it that Germany sees the nature of its relationship to the US riding on this election? Or something else... That certainly doesn't explain the American celebrities showing up in the news, or the other news reports. Perhaps the U.S. is playing the same role to the world that the British royal family plays in the U.K. - loved and hated at the same time, followed and criticized at the same time.The election usually leads off the news. Exciting bits like tornados usually show up later.

My leading theory is just that because Germany depends on the U.S. for most of its drama and comedy programs, as well as movies, it watches what happens in America to make sure conditions don't lead to another writers' strike.


Or perhaps I'm just full of §)(/$§)(")%/=&="....

Aldi - the short story

Ok, so there has been a comment about Aldi. Aldi is a limited selection discount grocery chain here in Germany. In other words, it doesn't have everything you're looking for, but what it has, is deeply discounted. It is the same company that some of you have nearby; probably in some low-rent neighborhood. It should tell you something about the success of this chain that despite the low prices, its founders are among the richest people in Germany (if not number 1!), and this in a country where Walmart couldn't compete.. Surprisingly, their food is quite good in general; their jelly in particular is outstanding.

However, like almost all German retailers, Aldi has side lines outside of the core of groceries. In addition to travel packages and branded prepaid cellphone accounts, every week they have a selection of non-food items - clothes, household items, automobile accessories, furniture... again, a very limited selection of styles, but very deeply discounted. Visiting Aldi on a Monday morning when they have children's clothes on sale is akin to visiting Filene's Basement on the day of their bridal sale (for those of you not from the Boston area, you'll just have to trust me that it's wild).

The odd effect of Aldi is, that if you are yourself an Aldi shopper, you can immediately recognize other Aldi families. This is because their kids are dressed in the same jackets as yours (there were 2 styles on sale last week), and the Easter decor on their table is one you almost bought yourself. Going to pick up Peter at school is a challenge - when they are on the playground, there are so many blond kids in Aldi grey jackets, it takes me a while to pick him out. Usually I pick the smallest kid, and that's usually my child.

To those of you in America you happen to live near an Aldi - get over the neighborhood it is in and visit it. This is the same company, and they often feature items imported from the German branch. The dark chocolate is really good; and the Stollen (German fruit bread for Christmas) is the same as they sell here in Germany. You can see their specials online - www.aldi.com.

Happy shopping.

Trödel Season!

One American I met when I first came here explained that Germans were the cheapest people she'd ever met. She didn't realize that she was talking to a New Englander, and we consider that a virtue.

Germans love a bargain. They therefore love flea markets. They love them so much that they have even verbified the word for flea markets, Trödel, so that one can actually "go flea-marketing" (trödeln) in German (note: all translations are mine and therefore the responsibility for all poorly translated terms is mine alone!).

Given that all stores are closed here on Sundays, the weekend Trödelmärkte (flea markets) are a huge draw. Often taking up a whole shopping center parking lot, they attract such crowds that you can count on a 10 minute walk the market from the nearest parking space. They are a mix of people emptying closets (who'd have a yard sale in the States), semi-professional collectibles dealers (getting out into the sun after a week of posting things on eBay), food sellers, and people selling disturbingly inexpensive bike parts, clothes, toys and cosmetics.

The children's flea markets are the best. No, they aren't selling children (with the population decline here I'm not sure they'd be a market) but rather children's things. These are usually held by kindergartens (preschools). Parents convinced they're through with a certain phase of child-rearing sell off the unripped, unbroken and more-or-less complete remains of a childhood at bargain prices. There are two kinds of sellers at these markets. The first is those who think their items are worth something and therefore want a decent price for their goods. I avoid them. The other are the practical types who just want this stuff out of their house and seem only to be asking for a bit of money so that no one gets suspicious that they might be unloading garbage. They are the best, for this attitude speaks to me.

As Peter likes to come to stop from a full run by using his knees as brakes, I no longer am willing to buy even 5,99 Euro jeans from Aldi for him (I'll tell you about Aldi later - it deserves its own post). So when I can score some gently used 1,50 Euro jeans for him from someone who knows how to come to a gradual stop, I'm in heaven. I've also rather shamelessly begun buying all sorts of toys for the kids there - frankly, come St. Nicholas, Christmas or birthdays (or as well call it, the month of December), they are too excited to notice the lack of boxes, or that an item is coming fully assembled already...

And do I have to point out that trödeln is good for the environment?

So buy your kids some used stuff today!

Driving in Germany, cont'd.

From an email from someone calling himself "the dumb American" (anything but):

Did you ever the hear the joke about the difference between heaven and hell? In heaven the French do the cooking, the Brits are the police, and the Germans make the cars. In hell, the Brits do the cooking, the French make the cars, and the Germans are the police.

Ha ha ha.

Well, maybe it's in the delivery....
----------end of email---------------

From this I conclude that I'm just one dinner of fish-and-chips away from hell...

Driving in Germany

Just over a year ago I got my German driver's license. While this has certainly opened up many new opportunities for me to explore Germany, it has also opened up many new opportunities for me to get hopelessly lost. With a combination of luddism and masochism, I refuse to get a GPS system. Instead I putt around in my woe-fully underpowered Peugot 206 with a street atlas on the seat next to me. I call it my MPS - Map on the Passenger Seat. Sadly, map reading is somewhat difficult at 50 kmph, and last minute changes in road configuration can through my plans into disarray. For example, I have tried now without success 2 times to the find the Duisburg train station. The first time, I became hopelessly lost and eventually found my way out of the city. The second time, I because hopelessly lost, made an illegal left turn, and was immediately pulled over by a motorcycle cop.

Now, German police are professional, competent and... green. A fine, friendly, almost-Kelly green. And they drive station wagons. This makes them somehow less intimidating and more friendly to me than American police. Hopefully I will never be disabused of this notion. Anyway, this fine officer pulls me over and gives me a 10 Euro fine instead of the normal 30 Euro fine, paid immediately by debit card. Why did I get off so easily? Some possibilities my neighbors came up with:

1. I speak German. You might not think this is charming, but most Americans I've met here speak almost none. He may have thought it nice to meet one who could abjectly apologize.
2. I'm cute. I don't buy into this one; even had I been cute in the past, I'm well past 30, and my eyelash-batting days are over. The husband does get points for suggesting this one, though.
3. I was polite. When I told this story to my neighbor, she was amazed. "You met him at the window with all your papers? You apologized?". Apparently, a German would more likely argue that the infraction was so insignificant, it doesn't deserve a ticket, and doesn't the officer have better things to do with his time, and no one was hurt/inconvenienced/made late by his actions...
   

You be the judge.